


Beer Run: Castiel takes the Impala

by Kportwd1



Category: Cas and Dean - Fandom, Castiel and Dean - Fandom, Castiel/Dean Winchester - Fandom, Dean Winchester and Castiel - Fandom, Supernatural, Supernatural Destiel Fanfiction, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester are Cute, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Castiel and Dean and the Impala, Castiel in the Bunker, Destiel - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-05-07 14:15:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14672823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kportwd1/pseuds/Kportwd1
Summary: This has been revised. I read it over and OMG! The errors. I had to fix them.Dean is fed up with Castiel and his constantly putting himself in harm's way while low on grace. And after nearly being sliced open by a knife-wielding Shapeshifter, Dean goes off on Castiel. Sam feeling sorry for the poor angel has a plan for getting Castiel back into Dean's good graces. He decides to send him for beer and pie in the Impala and unfortunately or fortunately. Things don't quite work out the way Sam thought.Slow burn Destiel. What can I say? I like to savor the story both in writing and reading.





	1. Dammit Cas!

Sam glanced over at Cas as the man sat with eyes fixed on the computer screen open between them. Dean was back in his room taking a nap, and Sam was left taking care of a bored angel. So Sam decided to do what was easiest when it came to keeping Cas entertained, binge on Netflix. Sam's choice for a Netflix marathon, was an old crime drama that was popular back when he was at Stanford studying pre-law. Sam and his pre-law study group loved these shows and used to watch them together when they weren't cramming for a test or a class debate. And the best part of watching these cheesy one-hour crime dramas were the crazy drinking games. Usually, the rules were relatively simple to follow. Be the first to call a procedural or law enforcement violation and the others in the group had to take a shot of whatever cheap liquor they had on hand and to make it interesting. The losers had to quote the procedure violated by the actors in the episode. And to this day there was a particular episode of CSI that Sam can't watch without a flashback and a reminder of just how much he hates Jagermeister.

But binging today is a very different experience, especially with Castiel, and it was a lot less fun, but Sam had to admit he did like the chance to spend a little time with the angel without his brother around. Dean's constant need to be the center of attention sometimes made it difficult for Sam and Castiel to have their little chats. Chats that covered anything from the great works of philosophy to who should have been voted off of show Survivor. Castiel's affection for trash t.v. was one of the things that endeared him to the younger Winchester. Crime dramas on the other hand. Well, they tended to prove difficult for Cas to accept at face value. Sam usually found himself getting a little annoyed by the constant questioning because of Cas' inability to suspend belief and just roll with the simple story as it unfolds on the small screen and the angel's continuous eye rolls and loud sighs of frustration were becoming grating.

After the umpteenth sigh from Cas because of another plot hole and a stupid quip from Mr. Sunglass cop, Sam decided it was time to find something for Cas to do and an idea quickly came to him. One that involved doing a favor for his brother and if what he believed to be right about the angel and his feelings towards Dean, it was going to be a piece of cake to get him to do the favor.

"Castiel, I was wondering...um ' Sam nodded towards the computer screen "I know you wanted to try and watch some of my shows with me, but I just remembered. Dean said we are almost out of beer and pie."

Castiel glanced over at Sam then back at the screen with a wrinkled brow and before Sam could continue Cas finished for him, "and you were wondering if I would go to the store before Dean wakes up from his nap and pick some up."

Sam heard some reluctance and a touch of pouting in Cas' voice. It was very apparent that he was still hurting from the barrage of anger he took from Dean for his recklessness in going after some shapeshifters on his own.

"Yeah, I mean if you wouldn't mind. Dean should be out for a while longer after that drive, and all" Sam decided to pile on just in case Cas began to have doubts, "You know. I thought it would be nice to have the pie and beer here for when he wakes up, especially after that hit he took when that shifter was about to attack you". Sam planted a set of puppy dog eyes on Castiel and hoped the not so subtle guilt trip would work.

"That drive was long for all of us, Sam." Cas glanced over and instantly regretted it when he saw the younger Winchester throwing his trademark puppy dog eyes in his direction. Looking away as he continued "We all came away hurting. You, yourself have damage to your arm and shoulder." Looking at Sam, Cas' harsh voice turned softer as he asked: "How are you by the way?"

"Fine. I'm fine Cas. Thanks for asking" Sam tried to keep the guilt from his voice. Knowing he was trying to use a cheap method of manipulation in getting Cas to run to the Gas n Sip only twenty minutes away.

Taking one more glance at Sam, Castiel seemed to weigh his options of staying here and trying to suffer through more of these awful shows with Sam (he enjoyed Dean's choice in programming so much more) or go out and enjoy some time alone. It was the time alone won out. Pushing himself off of the couch, Cas threw back at Sam his reply drenched in sarcasm,

"I will go to the store, Sam but only because you asked me too. Your brother should thank you for your kindness in thinking of him, and you can tell that assbutt should he wake before I get back. That I'm sorry I didn't wait for his permission before going to the Gas-n-Sip on my own"

At Cas' reluctant yes to going, Sam watched with some humor as Castiel got up from his place on the couch and make his way out towards the map room to gather his trenchcoat. Sam rose up to follow, and he wondered to himself if Cas was attached to the old coat the same way a toddler is attached to a favorite toy or blanket and as the angel began to sling the coat around his shoulders. Sam saw a wince cross the angel's features as the still healing knife wound pulled a little at the patch job Sam had performed. Cas struggled to get his one arm through the long sleeve, Sam walked over and helped to pull the coat up and settle it around Cas shoulders and replied,

"Yeah, I'll tell him, but try to get back before he wakes up anyway."

Cas then walked over to the wall that had the large board with small hooks lined up in a five by five pattern; each hook held a set or two for the many modes of transportation stored in the garage located below the Bunker. Including the Impala and Cas' beast, the Lincoln and as Cas paused to scan for the set he needed. Sam couldn't help but recall the events from the previous few days, and how the love-hate relationship between his brother and Castiel was in full display during a scare they had had when they had nearly lost Cas- again.

FIVE DAYS EARLIER:

Sam answered his cell when he saw the name Sheriff Mills flash on the screen. "Hey, Jody! How's it goin'? How are the" Jody in her usual cut the crap and get to the point attitude, stopped Sam's greeting mid-sentence.

"Hey, Sammy. I'm fine and the girls...well. They are grinding the last nerve but you know, I love'm. Listen I'm calling cuz there is some strange shit happening in a town further up the road..." As Jody passed along the tale of mysterious disappearances and animal mutilations in a town called Cloud. Apparently, some of the tourists who came up during the winter months to do some ice fishing. Well, they were disappearing with no trace as well. Jody had gone on to say her information was coming from a fellow sheriff named Kim Hammons. Whose main suspects were a group of freeloaders that had taken up residences in one of the empty vacation rentals. Jody went on to say that when she had gone up to see for herself what was going on. The other sheriff had dismissed some evidence, like a tub with what appeared to be hair and blood inside but because of exposure to the elements and any animals who happened to get in through a broken out window. They couldn't run any conclusive tests. Jody said she had no doubt the hair and sludge they found was human and evidence that a few shapeshifters may have moved into the area. Sam agreed with her and felt confident they had a case. And when he ran it past Dean, who was suffering from a particularly bad case of cabin fever. He had to do little convincing Dean that it would be a good idea to head up to Jody's to investigate.

The boys had driven out and then began a two-day day hunt for the group. After, they finally caught up to their location. They quickly realized that from their intel gathered from the local sheriff in town They had grossly underestimated the number of shifters living in the old house, But in the end, the boys were victorious and took the shape-shifter pack out but not without nearly losing Cas in the process.

Sam recalled how Dean, in typical Dean fashion, had gone after the group. Bursting through the front door, Dean had been surprised at first at how young the pack was, but Dean assured Sam it would be no problem as they had experience over the group. Of course, Dean was right, and Sam ended up handling two of the subordinate males on his own, and then, Sam turned and went to check on Dean's progress. He caught up to his brother as he put the coup-de-gras on the mouthy monster who wouldn't shut up. They turned their attention to Castiel, and it was then that they noticed his absence.

Because Castiel was low on grace after his run in months ago with Metatron, Dean was beside himself with worry and fear for the weakened angel- again. He began to talk crossly to Sam about letting the "baby in a trenchcoat" out of his sight. Sam had tuned him out and wished he could tell Dean that his boyfriend would be okay, but instead he just listened to his brother bitch about Cas and just as he and Dean left the kitchen in search of their friend. They heard a loud thud above their heads and the unmistakable sound of Castiel crying out in pain.

Earlier, Cas had seen that the boys had everything under control and was about to go and help Sam with his shifter when he heard a noise down the hallway that ran behind him. Taking one last look over at Sam who was finishing up the last of the disgusting monsters. He turned and headed down the hall in the direction that he thought the sound had originated. Creeping slowly along the narrow corridor, Cas stopped and eased the door open and found it led to an empty bathroom. Backing out, Castiel once again heard a sound again. Only this time he was able to identify which door was the source. Dropping his angel blade down into the palm of his hand, Cas walked the short distance to the next closed door and grabbed the old brass knob and began to turn. Pushing the door open Cas could not see very far into the dark beyond the now open portal, but he could see the short landing and a set of stairs that led upwards into what could only be the attic.

Castiel glanced down the hallway and could hear the muffled voices of Sam and Dean as they spoke in the kitchen. Despite only being at half his angel strength, Cas decided he could handle whatever may be upstairs and began to ascend the steps up into the darkness. After reaching the top level, Castiel realized there was a corner to be turned before entering the attic space. Pausing long enough to try and get a sense of what was lay beyond, and even there were no more sounds to indicate anyone or thing was up in the attic space. Castiel knew that someone or something was hiding in the attic. So with his angel blade raised he stepped around the corner and into darkness. It didn't take long before the shifters he had been pursuing ambushed him. The first attacker surprised Cas with a clumsy blow to the head. Castiel at the last moment could smell the fetid stench of the shifter and out of instinct. Cas raised his arm just in time to deflect an incoming blow. But it wasn't enough to block it entirely, and it had glanced off the side of his head. Staggering just a bit, the attacker pushed his advantage. Overconfident in the amount of damage he had caused the angel. The shifter advanced rapidly and Cas, who had been holding the side of his head, used his foolish attacker's assumption against him by quickly dropping his hand from his forehead and bringing the hand holding the angel blade around and plunging the weapon deep into the shifter's heart. Breathing hard from his struggle, Castiel straightened and began to second guess his plan of searching on his own the cavernous space. Moving his eyes to take in the area surrounding him. He noticed that his vision had started to adjust to the limited amount of light seeping through the dirty curtains covering two dormers located on the one side of the room. Castiel could also make out several locations where someone could conceal themselves very nicely. By his count, there could be a half dozen shifters in the hidden the room. He didn't like those odds, and so he began to turn to go back the way he had come but before taking his first step. Castiel felt a searing pain radiate down his side. Unseen by the angel two shifters had emerged from a small crawl space located behind a small wooden door that had been hidden by a stack of boxes. Castiel gasped and turned towards his attacker and began to fight. He could feel the deep slice running the length of his ribs and blood running down his side soaking his white button-down shirt. Even with the damage done to his vessel, the two ambushers were no match for a more experienced fighter like Castiel, and he was able to take both of them out quickly enough. Soon though, Castiel heard the sound of more footsteps coming at him from deeper within the attic. Looking up, Castiel could see three more shifters advancing on him. And he soon realized that the cut and ensuing blood loss had begun to drain his energy. Castiel gripped his blade tighter and tensed up to prepare for their attack, and when the first shifter took a swing, Castiel was able to deflect the blow aimed at his face, but it landed solidly on his injured side causing him to cry out in pain. Castiel's went down to a knee. Which emboldened his attackers to press their advantage, and when the first of the three came up closer to get another blow in, Castiel jammed the angel blade upwards through his jaw and into the monster's brain. Then just as the dead shapeshifter began to fall, Castiel heard the boys pounding up the stairs and before he could stand fully up again. The room started to swim a little causing him to stagger forward. Looking up he could see Sam and Dean burst into the attic and as Dean flew past him. Sam recalled how a rage seemed to take over Dean's face after he had seen the state Cas was in, and it had been. Sam who stopped to check on Cas and when he nodded that he was okay. Sam continued onward to join his brother as he went after the remaining shapeshifters.  
Sam's battle was brief, and he was able to quickly take out his shifter but not before taking a baseball bat to his shoulder and when Sam went in search of his brother and found him on the other side of a large armoire.  
He had been terrified at the sight of Dean savagely hacking at the neck of his shapeshifter. Sam was scared by the look on his brother's face.

"Dean!" Sam yelled trying to make his brother stop, "Dean! That's enough!" Sam felt Castiel come up beside him. Glancing over his shoulder, he noticed the man had taken off his shirt and was holding it against the gash over his ribs.

"Dean! Dammit, you have to stop."

At the sound of Sam's voice. Dean seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in and looked up. Blood spatter from the dead monster at his knees covered his face and clothes.  
"Dean. That is enough. You got him."  
Dean looked at his brother then at Cas. His eyes roamed over Castiel's body. They paused at the blood-soaked shirt. He turned and with a final thrust. Dean plunged the blade into the heart of the already dead monster.  
Satisfied with his efforts, Dean had turned to check Sam, who stood hunched over because the attic ceiling was about an inch too short for his tall frame, rubbing his shoulder. Dean had caught sight of the moment his brother had taken a hit with a baseball bat that his shifter must have found hidden amongst the crap laying all around. After a nod from Sam, indicating that he would live. Dean took a deep breath and turned to where Castiel stood and when he saw the slash of blood across Castiel's ribs and blood dripping from his forehead. Dean's demeanor went from concern to fury and to Sam's stunned amazement. Dean flew into a rage-filled rant and started to lay into Castiel for wandering off on his own.

"Dammit, Cas! What the hell!"

Sam recalled the fear disguised as anger in his brother's voice. Castiel tried to argue back by telling Dean he did not need to be babied but Sam knew this familiar argument by heart and because he did. He also knew it would be a futile battle for the semi-powerless angel when it came to dealing with an overly-protective and entirely closed off Dean. Castiel knew the futility as well, and so Sam had to give props to Castiel for being wise enough to break away from interacting with Dean and walk away instead. Sam had watched with sympathy as Castiel grew quiet and dropped back from the two brothers as they made their way back to the Impala. Once they reached the car, Sam had done a quick job of sewing up the gaping slash of skin covering Castiel's ribcage. Dean was standing over Sam's shoulder. Watching. Sam could feel the tension radiating off of Dean as he did so. Sam understood that it wasn't truly anger Dean was feeling right now, but he dared not push it by pointing that fact out. By the time Sam had finished up with Cas by placing a butterfly bandage across the cut on Castiel's forehead just under his hairline. Dean had lost interest in the nursing going on and had left to sit in the car. As Sam put the med-kit away, he reached into his duffle and grabbed one of his old hoodies balled up inside and handed it to the injured angel.

"You know he is like this because he cares about you right?"

Castiel looked up into the earnest eyes of Sam WInchester and with a small quirk of his lips replied "Sure. Thanks for the jacket, Sam."  
Sam shook his head in frustration and after grabbing an ice bag for his shoulder. He slammed the trunk closed and put his hand under the angels' elbow and gave it a squeeze in support, and with a sympathetic smile he nodded toward's their side of the car, and together they made their way to the passenger side and climbed in with Cas taking possession of the rear seat. During the close to twelve-hour drive back to the bunker. The sullen angel had barely spoken a word other than to thank Sam when he had given him another bandage for his knife wound that has begun to ooze a little blood. Dean just cranked his music up and clenched his jaw. Sam was sure the twitching tendon running along his jawline was going to snap.

After the first couple of songs had played Dean glanced into the back seat and noticed Cas curled up on the back seat and had fallen asleep. So he reached over and punched the tape out and turned the small black knob that powered off the tape deck. Sam tried to take advantage of the quiet that had now descended inside the cabin of the Impala to broach the subject of Castiel's feelings and Dean's treatment of the poor guy. He even went as far as trying to get Dean to admit to himself why he gets so upset when Cas gets hurt. Then when that led nowhere, Sam did feel the need to remind his jerk of a brother, the guy did take out two of the shifters on his own and wasn't doing all that bad with the last three. But Dean reacted the way he always does when he wants to hide his feelings. Dean lashed out, and as Sam sat and listened to his brother logic his way through the bullshit, the guy was dishing out. Sam became even more convinced that the ridiculous outburst that he witnessed back at the nest was really about Dean Winchester being afraid of one day losing Castiel, the man he had come to care about, and it wasn't just as a friend either. It was more than that.

Finally, when Dean's rant ended, and he signaled the end to the argument as a whole by roughly grabbing the old shoebox full of their Dad's classic rock cassette tapes and after making a selection. Dean with some apparent frustration and no longer caring that Cas was asleep, he slammed in a cassette tape and cranked up the sound to AC/DC's, Back in Black. There was little to no talking for the rest of the ride.

Once home, a tired Dean stopped long enough to make himself a PB&J sandwich, and after grabbing a beer, He disappeared towards his room to heal and to sleep. His parting shot before exiting from the kitchen had been "One beer left, Sam!"

And now, here he was watching Cas as continued to stare at the key filled rack, Sam focused his attention on the angel and sensed there was a new problem as Castiel dropped his shoulders, furrowing his brow, Sam asked the troubled angel, "What's wrong?"

Reluctantly Cas replied, "Well, the Lincoln has some engine trouble, and Dean said he would take a look at it over a week ago and he hasn't."

Sam paused or a moment. Then he smirked just a tad and walked to the bank of hooks, Sam grabbed a set and turned back towards Cas, and tossed them to the angel who caught them with ease.

"Here take the Impala."

Castiel stared at the set of keys in his hand his mind reeling with the opportunity and the possible outcome of Dean finding out he took the car. He always wanted to drive the Impala, and any time he hinted at it. Dean would shut him down with either a look of disdain or a joke of some sort. Castiel looked up into Sam's face his hesitancy written over it. Sam felt a little sorry for the guy knowing what his brother usually put him through when it came to the Impala and Castiel's wish to drive it. So with a clap on his back and the sincerest smile he could muster, Sam said,

"Take it. He is asleep, and you should be back long before he even wakes up. So he won't ever know." with a shrug, Sam added, "Unless you tell him you drove it."

Excited and just a little apprehensive at the thought that he was about to drive the most treasured thing in Dean's world, after Sam of course. He was about to drive, Baby. Castiel gave a small smile of gratitude at Sam's trust in him. And so, with clenched fingers wrapped around the key ring, Cas turned to walk down the hallway towards the stairs that led to the large garage and Dean's beloved car.


	2. Dammit, Sam!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go looking for Cas. Dean can't hold back and Sam finally gets Dean to face the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't beta this story (shame on me) so if there are glaring and horrific mistakes please be kind and let me know. Also, if you could leave a short review, I would be grateful.

An hour later, Sam glanced at his watch for what seemed like the millionth time. Castiel should have been back by now. The Gas n Sip was only a twenty-minute drive and with time allowed for grabbing a six pack and a pie. Cas should have been home ten minutes ago by Sam's guestimation. And if had been Cas with any other car, Sam would not have cared in the least. But it was Baby, and it was Cas, and Sam was becoming a nervous wreck with each overdue minute.

Pacing around the map room, Sam made his tenth call to Castiel's cell, pausing to listen for any stirring coming from the sleeping quarters as he waited for the answer on the other end. A sick feeling began to overwhelm him as he heard Castiel's simple voicemail message once more. Hitting the end call icon, Sam sighed as he looked around the cavernous map room and he began to debate the pros and cons of whether he should jump into one of the vehicles stored in the garage and go in search of Castiel. Then, before Sam could make a decision about taking off after the angel, Sam finally heard the unmistakable sound of his brother making his way up the hallway towards the Map Room. The guy sounded like he was coughing up a lung, Sam knew a cough had to be painful for his brother because he had seen the bruising around Dean's ribs. A physical reminder left over from his fight with the shapeshifters.

Sam took out his phone to grab one last peek at the screen, hoping for a missed text or anything from Cas letting Sam know he was on his way back. He looked up guiltily as Dean called his name.

"Hey, Sam. Whew, I feel so much better after that nap."

"Dean, you slept for nearly four hours. That hardly qualifies as a nap." Sam replied with his face turning back down towards his phone.

Dean looked at his brother and narrowed his brow at his statement but then in typical Dean fashion. He immediately picked up from his brother's body language that something was up. So he asked, "What's wrong?"

Sam looked back up at his brother and tried to keep his face from giving anything away. After years of playing poker against the guy, Sam knew it would be futile effort to try and bluff Dean with a lie. Luckily, just as he was about to try and lie anyway, Sam's phone rang holding his index finger up in Dean's direction to stop any more questions. He turned to glance at the screen and was relieved to see Castiel's name emblazoned against the glass. Sam turned and walked away from his brother and answered the phone in a low voice.

"Cas...where the hell are….." Sam stopped cold and listened. The voice on the other end was not Castiel's

"Sam?" Dean had followed his brother as he moved into the map room. Dean watched as Sam's shoulders stiffen and instantly knew that something was wrong.

"Sam. Who is on the phone?" Dean's voice had a hard edge in it. His senses were on alert. He took a quick glance around looking for Castiel. Suddenly, Dean's gut clenched, and he realized everything about Sam right now was triggering his internal warning system, that bad news was coming his way. And he wanted Sam to tell him what that may be right now.

"Sam, who is on the phone and if you hold up a finger to me one more time..so help me!" Sam looked up now with concern written all over his face. Though he wisely did not hold up his finger at Dean. He did flash those damn puppy eyes at him as if begging for just a moment more.

Taking a deep breath, Dean waited as patiently as was possible for a man like himself, as his brother answered whoever was on the other end. The tone of his voice and the subject of his responses. Dean decided he didn't need to know who Sam was talking to anymore. Because it was clear the man on the other end was a police officer and Sam's questions, and replies indicated they were talking about his missing angel.

"Okay, Okay….is he all right...is he hurt?" Sam paused, and Dean got closer trying to listen to the other voice. Again, Sam blocked him by turning his body.

"Sam, turn on the speaker."

"Yes, My brother and I will be right down." Sam hit the end call button and turned back to face Dean. He wasn't sure which part of the news he should give first, and the icy-green intensity of Dean's gaze was not making it an easy decision.

"Right, down where Sam?" Dean could see Sam was trying to keep his shit together as he looked at Dean. And for his part, Dean did not care anymore. Sam was lying and was trying to keep something from him and with Cas missing Dean had, had enough. "Sam, where's Cas?"

Sam swallowed hard and replied, "He went to the store for beer and pie."

Dean looked at Sam expectantly, waiting for him to go on.

"He wasn't enjoying the show I was watching, and so I sent him to the store and…"

Dean was getting tired of his brother's hedging… "Spit it out, Sam."

"I sent Cas to the store, and I gave him the keys to the Impala."

Dean stood immobile. His vision tunneled and time began to slow as he stared at Sam. His mind trying to process the words that were tumbling through his brain as he waited for the rest of the story. He began to dread what was coming next, "What else?"

"There's been an accident, and we need to get to the hospital. Cas was hurt…"

"Sam…" with anger set in his voice Dean continued "You let Cas take the Impala? What were you thinking?" pushing past his brother, Dean stormed into the kitchen and over to the rack of keys and was about to grab the keys for the Lincoln when he remembered he had been putting off repairing the vehicle for Cas. So, it was with a groan of frustration, that Dean grabbed the set marked for Bobby's old truck and brusquely turned and as he brushed by Sam and as his shoulder came into contact with Sam's bruised one, causing him to grimace in pain.

"Let's go."

Once they were in the cab of the truck, Dean's emotions ran like an auger through his chest. First, there was the anger at Sam's foolish decision at letting Cas drive the Impala and then to fear and concern at Baby's condition after the accident. Dean preferred thinking about his car. He could distract himself with a mental checklist of what he might need to repair the damage he fully expected to see. It was better than running the possible injuries Cas may have suffered. Dean couldn't bring himself to even think about the condition of Castiel. He was afraid he would lose control of himself and do and say things to his brother that he wouldn't be able to take back later. But then, as they drew closer to the location of the accident, about five miles from the bunker, it seemed all Dean could think about was Castiel. Dean found himself making different promises and bargains with Chuck asking him to please make sure the angel was okay.

Dean could not bring himself to look over at his brother yet. His eyes stayed glued to the road ahead. Sam was wise to sit quietly in the seat beside him. That is until the silence from Dean and the waves of anger began to take its toll on Sam's nerves.

"Dean. I…"

"I can't believe you let my baby go like that." Dean cut Sam off.

"Dean...I didn't think it was a big deal. Cas has driven for a while now and never had any problems."

"You let Cas, who has only been driving for a few months drive a car like the Chevy in the rain, Sam! It is nothing like that boat that he drives and with the roads slick like they are…."

Sam looked over at his brother, his mouth set in a grim line. He knew Dean hadn't finished, so he waited.

"The one thing I care about more than almost anything and you just figured you would make a decision like this and look what happens."

"Dean, I…."

"Stow it!" Dean breathed in deep through his nose, and when he felt his anger begin to subside he continued "So tell me what happened to my baby, how bad was it and where did they…"

Sam cut in before Dean could ask all of his questions. Answering calmly, with the hope that if he did not hear the panic in his voice, then he would calm down himself.

"The trooper said that they assume there must have been a deer or something because Cas swerved the car to avoid hitting something…"

"Assume? Isn't that what Cas told them?"

"No, it is based on the skid marks left on the road. He left a good set of skid marks."

"And…"

Sam went on to fill Dean in on all that the patrol trooper had told him over the phone. The officer did not believe Cas had been speeding on the rain-slicked roads. That whatever had caused him to slam on the breaks occurred while the Impala had begun to enter a curve. Then with the overcompensation, it swerved over the next lane and went off the road down the embankment. Where the steepness of the slope caused the classic car to roll and the only thing to stop it from going to the bottom of the hill was a large tree. The damage to the Impala was extensive because the entire driver's side was caved in and the roof of the car pushed downward.

"The officer also said that they were able to get Cas from the car after pulling the passenger side door off. He was unconscious and was hurt critically, and so they had decided to call Life Flight and airlift him to the trauma center at Kansas University Hospital's Trauma Center." Sam said the last part with some hesitancy.

Dean listened to the story and felt his heart begin to thump in his chest. He knew he could fix the Impala, he had done a hundred times before, but after the words, Life Flight left his brother's mouth. Dean's fear began to fight for control of his mind as his imagination started to play out all of the worst case scenarios regarding the fallen angel's state of health. He had to keep it together. He had to stay focused. He had to… had to see Cas. He had to know that he would be okay. He turned his focus back to Sam who was still going on about the events of the accident and how they unfolded.

"There was someone only about a quarter mile behind Cas, and he saw the car go over. So the good news is they were able to call for help quickly."

"Sam just cut to the chase. Tell me what happened to my Baby. How bad…."

Sam looked at his brother in disbelief. His lack of concern over Castiel's well being was becoming a point of frustration and his seeming attitude about the car and the state it was in verses Castiel's state of health was beginning to anger him. Sam suspected there was more to his brother's feelings towards Castiel and it was only his brother's stubbornness at admitting those feelings that prevented him from acting on them. Of course, after his time with Lisa, Dean had refused even to entertain the idea of getting into a relationship with anyone other than the local waitress or bartender. But right now, based on Dean's line of questioning, Sam was beginning to doubt his instincts about Dean. But then when he went over all of the times both men were together and recalled the number of times he caught his brother looking at Castiel in a certain way or how his voice would soften when telling a story about something funny Castiel had done that day. Nope, Sam thought to himself, his brother was in love with Castiel and based on Castiel's actions and the way he would look at Dean when his brother was not looking his way. Sam knew that Cas felt the same. How many times did he have to bear witness to the constant battle they both fought within themselves to avoid admitting it to each other as they argued back and forth over some trivial matter. Sam decided as Dean was about to ask for more information on the Impala's condition. Sam was not willing to let his brother off of the hook. Not now. Not with Castiel possibly laying in an emergency room clinging to life.

"Really, Dean! Our best friend is carted off by a fucking helicopter, and you are worried about the fucking Impala?"

Dean glanced over at Sam and furrowed his brow. "Sam I'm not tal…"

Dean! Slow down...right here. There's the accident. Just ahead." Staring straight ahead as Dean turned to look at him, Sam noticed the nearly burned out road flares as they were rapidly coming up on the site of the accident. "

Dean returned his focus to the road ahead, and he brought the old truck to a halt just a short distance from the first of the fading road flares. Looking beyond the fading orange-red of the road flares as the dusk began to settle, Dean noticed they helped very little in lighting up the scene before them. Though, he could see a bit more as the yellow emergency lights flashing from the tow truck mixed with the blue-white of the police vehicles and lit up the area in a surreal glow. Dean could see the Impala had already been pulled up to the side of the road and had been connected to the tow hook and was being readied to be pulled up onto the flatbed. The car's damage was obvious to see, and it was exactly as described to Sam by the trooper. The driver's side door was a mangled mess, pushed in at sharp angles. A clear indication as to where the vehicle had come up against the tree located somewhere down below. The car's roof had been pushed downward almost equal to the seat back. Looking through the broken out windows, Dean could see where the door on the passenger's side was no longer attached. Dean swallowed hard as he watched the car get loaded slowly onto the tow's flatbed.

Dean pushed the truck's driver door open and then lept out of the truck's cabin and jogged over to the trooper who looked to be in charge.

"Hey, My name's Dean Winchester and that car..." Dean waved his arm over towards the Impala. "Is mine. I let my friend use it to run to the store." Dean had taken his license out of his pocket to show the man in uniform.

The trooper took a quick glance at the proffered license and checked the papers that had been gathered from the mangled car's glove box. Satisfied the info jived, the man looked over at the car and said with a bit of southern twang in his voice, "Yeah. Sorry about the car. She was a beaut' all right, a classic. I'm a collector myself. So I hate to see when this sort of thing happens to a car like that." Hiding his impatience with the officer's rambling, Dean dismissed his comment and replied "Yeah, so Troooooper…" took a quick look at the name tag clipped to the man's uniform "Trooper Portman, she has seen worse. How about the guy who was driving her?"

Pulling a notepad, the lawman began to run down basically what they already knew from the original call to Sam's phone, and they had no updates as to the condition of the driver. Other than to confirm he was in pretty bad shape when they evac'd him a little over a half hour ago.

Dean slapped his hand against his thigh, exasperated at the lack of information and after answering a few questions about Cas and the car, Dean turned to walk back towards Sam who was now standing by the tow driver. He instantly regretted the decision because, from his new position and a direct line to the interior of his car, Dean could see the unmistakable evidence of Castiel's injuries in the form of now drying pooled and splattered blood.

"Sam?" Dean called out to his brother, impatience mixed with fear in his tone.

Sam finished shaking the tow driver's hand and then turned away to walk back towards Dean.

"I gave the guy a hundred bucks to store the car until we get back from the hospital," Sam called out, and as he approached his brother, he slowed his steps. "Any news on Cas?"

Dean shook his head in the negative. "Nothing more than what we know already. We have to go over to the trauma center at K.U." Heading back towards the old truck Dean continued "It's a couple of hours away" Sam read Dean's face and could tell he was barely holding it together when he added, "We need to get there, Sam."

Sam set his mouth in a grim line and could only nod as the guilt of sending Cas to run an errand that he should have run himself, returned to the forefront of his mind. Climbing into the truck both men settled in and began their race to the trauma center. They sat in silence for most of the of the trip, and as they got closer to Castiel, Sam needed to break the silence with his brother.

"Dean I just want to say…" Dean cut him off before Sam could start.

"Sam, it's all right. You don't have to say anything. You couldn't have known that this was going to happen. So...let it go."

Dean knew his brother was feeling a ton of guilt and at this point didn't see a need to pile on more. Plus, he wasn't sure he could talk about Cas at this very moment. His emotions were too raw and near to the surface after seeing all of the blood left behind by Cas. He couldn't believe that only days earlier he had nearly lost the angel to those frigging shapeshifters and now this. The turmoil of another argument with Sam may cause him to start blurting out things to his brother that he wasn't ready to say out loud, not yet anyway. So he decided to do what he did best and compartmentalize everything going on in his life and focus only on getting to Castiel and praying to Chuck that he was okay. Sam, on the other hand, made this task very difficult by continually wanting to start up a conversation. Finally, as they approached the last few miles of their trip to the hospital, Dean swallowed hard and decided to bite the bullet and clear things up with Sam.

"Look Sam" Dean glanced over at the sullen face of his younger brother and continued "I know you thought you were doing an okay thing." Sam had turned to fire off a reply, but Dean held up his hand and continued "I'm not mad anymore about Cas taking the car. It's just that you sent something I care about most in the world off to make a store run- in the rain. And just days after...

Sam looked at his brother again shocked at his statement, and before Dean could go any further with his ridiculous rant about the Impala, Sam decided it was his turn to cut off Dean.

"Dean, I can't believe your only concern right now is the fact that I let Cas drive your precious car to the Gas n Sip to buy you beer and pie." Sam turned in his seat to get a better look at his brother who now sat with his hands gripping the wheel of the truck tighter. His knuckles white with the strain. "Cas is your best friend, Dean. He has done everything we have ever asked and given up nearly everything for us- for you. And yet, here you sit like a jackass talking about how your car was dinged up. What about Castiel, Dean? What about him? For all,, we know he could be pretty badly hurt or even worse, and you want to rail me for the car?" Sam had not noticed that the truck had come to a stop and it was only after Dean dropped his hands from the wheel and let them fall into his lap with head bowed. That he took notice of his new surroundings and the giant blue letters of the Kansas University Hospital across the parking lot.

"You're wrong, Sam" Dean's voice was soft and sounded nearly broken as if they were carrying the weight of the world behind them, it made the hairs on Sam's arms stand on end.

"What?" Sam said equally as soft.

"I said you're wrong." Dean turned to look at Sam with tears welling and threatening to fall. Sam met his brother's eyes with as much understanding as he could convey through his own, Sam barely nodded at what he knew his brother was finally going to say. Sam asked Dean why he was wrong. Already knowing the answer to his question.

"I wasn't talking about the Impala, Sam. I was talking about Cas." Dean shook his head in frustration and to stop the tears from falling. Dean brought the palms of his hands up to eyes and pressed hard against closed lids. Then dropping his hands down he looked over at his brother. Begging for Sam to understand and not make him say more. Sam did understand and finished Dean's thoughts for him.

"You love Cas, and now you are afraid it's too late."

Dean nodded and choked back a small sob.

"Dean, it's okay. Castiel, he will be okay. And once we get in there and see the guy and see for yourself that he is okay, You will be okay too. And, when everything gets back to normal, you will be able to say all of the stuff you need to say to his face. And for what it's worth, Dean. I know he feels the same way about you. I think he is just waiting for you to let him know yourself. To make the first move, you know?"

Dean nodded and with another look at his younger brother. A small smile quirking his lips upward. Sam continued, "Now, let's go. We need to get in there and find out how he is doing. And once we know he is okay, you are going to tell him how you feel." Sam felt the balance of power between them shift. He was now in charge, for a little while anyway. "He is going to be okay, Dean. He is a tough son-of-a-bitch, and he still has a little grace in him. So let's just go see for ourselves before you start playing worst case scenario in your thick head."

Dean once again gave a silent nod in reply and then grabbed the door handle and jerked with more torque than was necessary and after throwing the door open. He jumped out of the truck and after taking a deep cleansing breath in the cold air. Dean slammed the truck door shut and began a slow jog towards the double doors of the emergency room as Sam followed close behind.

As Dean crossed the threshold into the E.R. of the medical center and the main waiting room and assailed by the sounds of sick people waiting for their turn to go back into the actual examination rooms. Making a quick scan of the large room, Dean spotted a desk with the word Information engraved with large silver embossed letters across its curved front. A young woman was sitting at the counter talking to an elderly woman. A condescending smile plastered on her face. Dean had no doubt it took her just a few practice sessions in front of a mirror for her to perfect. Dean went over and waited as she finished up with who seemed to be concerned about her husband. After what seemed like an eternity but had only been a couple of minutes. His turn came, and Dean approached the young lady and bent to read the candy striper name tag the young wore and it simple black letters it read; Natalie. Now that he had her name Dean flashed his most charming smile. Figuring it would get him further with the young lady if the need to get a favor should arise "Hello Natalie, my name is Dean Winchester, and I am here for someone who was brought in by a Life Flight helicopter." Dean glanced at Sam, and the sound of worry crept into his voice as he spoke despite his best efforts to keep it out, "He was in a car accident, and they brought him here a few hours ago. Could you tell me where I can find him."

"I see." the young woman turned to her computer screen and began to click away on the keyboard. Her carefully manicured nails making light tapping sounds on the keys, the sound irritated Dean. "Ah yes" A slight frown creased her brows together. Looking back up to Sam and Dean in a much more tender tone than she had before "Go through those doors and on your right you will find a small waiting room. You will find a nurses station and someone there can help you." Dean's patience was wearing thin and in a voice that came out gruffer than he meant it to be said: "Can't you just tell me where he his?"

"Dean!" Sam grabbed his brother's arm and began to pull him away before he could make a scene. Thanking the woman as he did so.

Dean wheeled around and pulled his arm from Sam's grasp "Dean, she is just a volunteer. She isn't going to be able to tell you anything."

Dean once again swallowed his frustration and walked towards the double doors that led towards the hospital's E.R. and just as he reached them, Dean pushed against the doors, and they didn't budge. Throwing a glance back at Natalie, Dean raised an eyebrow in question. A small apologetic smile crossed the candy striper's lips as she leaned over slowly and pressed the button that released the doors. Dean pushed again with more force than was needed and with a loud thump against the walls, Dean proceeded through and began the search for Castiel.

Dean entered the triage area of the E.R. and began to make his way down the corridor formed by the hanging curtains of the exam stations. He suppressed the urge to call out Cas' name but his fear of being asked to leave if he did so make him suppress the urge. Seeing a nurse walk towards him with her nose buried in some forms clipped into a clipboard. Dean grabbed her arm and asked brusquely, "I'm looking for the guy who came in a few hours ago by helo."

The nurse looked at Dean and then over at Sam who had followed close on Dean's heels. "Um...yeah. I did the initial triage. Are you two family? Dean did not hesitate "Yes, he is my husband" The nurse nodded and said "They took him up to x-ray about an hour ago?

"Up?" Dean rolled his eyes and said "What floor?"

"X-ray and MRI are on two." Waving in the direction of the located at the other end of the corridor the nurse continued to "Exit the elevator and make a left. Just follow the yellow line, and you can't miss it." Dean nodded at the nurse and then pushed past her and headed in the direction the nurse had indicated. Sam for his part said a polite thank you to the nurse who had already returned her focus to her clipboard and followed his brother.

Reaching the closed doors of the elevators, Dean smacked the up button and began to pace a couple of steps back and forth. Sam recognized Dean was close to his breaking point with regards to Castiel. He felt he needed to say something before the man started punching walls.

"Dean." Dean continued to pace in small circles reach out to smash the up button even harder.

'Dean. You need to calm down before you see Cas" Dean's only response to Sam was to flick a glance in his direction and roll his eyes and continue his pacing. Sam reached out to put his hand on Dean's shoulder and even though he knew what the repercussions would be when he made contact. He felt it was necessary if it meant Dean would release some of that pent up anger.

Sam felt cloth and then immediately felt the sting of Dean's hand as he tried to slap it away. Reaching out for the second time, Sam grabbed hold of the blue denim button down and held on tighter, and He repeated his brother's name. "Dean. I mean it. You need to calm down before we go upstairs. You need to keep it together...for Cas" and just as Dean was about to reply in a less than friendly tone, the elevators parted. Afraid of amping up his aggravation, Dean used the parting doors as a distraction and crossed the threshold entering the elevator before the doors had even opened fully, slamming the small opaque button with a number two stenciled on it. Sam followed his brother into the compartment and seeing his brother tense once again to push the button. He chose to cut him off by reaching first to push the button for another time. Finally, the doors closed and after letting out a rush of held breath, Dean turned to Sam with tears in his eyes said "It's eating me up, Sam" Sam watched as his brother swallowed hard in his effort to fight to stay in control. Then the dam burst on the ride up to the second floor, Dean let Sam hear his confession,

"I always tried to keep it from taking over you know- my feelings for Cas. It just seems you, and I aren't meant to be with people we love. We're hunters, and we have the baddest of bad luck when it comes to that sort of thing. So everything I felt for Cas. I kept it separate...and tried to ignore it. But every time something happened to him it seemed to knock away a little piece of that wall. And this, this car accident so close to the ordeal with those damn shapeshifters. It's like what Castiel said all of those years ago when we were going after Fate. Cas said something about them getting back at us, you know for all of the trouble we caused, and I feel like this is how they are doing it and I just" Dean stopped to gather himself "I just can't anymore Sam. I realize that strategy of keeping it hidden isn't working for me. Not anymore."

Sam listened to his brother's admission, and his tone immediately became more sympathetic as he tried to give Dean the support and understanding he needed.

"Look Dean. I know your whole thing is about making sure I stay safe. I know that there is nothing I will ever do to convince you to stop. But I do need you to take time to do what makes you happy...and Dean. Cas...well. Cas, he makes you happy. You are better when he is around. He is someone who you can share a load of keeping us safe- me safe, with" Dean looked up at his brother with doubt written all over his face at the last statement. Sam for his part offered a small correction with a shake of his head in an effort to put his words into perspective "You know, when he is not making poor decisions" Dean rolled his eyes and nodded with a smirk is agreement. The elevator's panel flashed the number two, and as the doors began to part, Sam reached out again and grabbed Dean's shoulder. This time Dean did not pull away. "Dean. Please. Take a deep breath, calm down and then, we go find your angel."

Dean looked over at Sam and patted his shoulder and nodded in agreement. Dean turned and walked calmly out of the elevator. His step was still a little quick, but Sam was relieved to see Dean's shoulders had relaxed and that they were no longer pulled upwards and even his hands had become unclenched.

Dean spotted the nurse's station and walked over and with a smile asked where he could find Castiel. The young nurse whose ID tag read: Tina Campenella, looked at her computer and with some rapid typing furrowing her brow as she did so. Finally, the typing paused and then she looked up at Dean and said: "I'm sorry, but he's gone."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you mean, gone?

"What?" Any progress Sam had made in ride up in the elevator in getting Dean under control was just blown away with the woman's simple statement. The thin membrane of calm burst and all hell in the form of Dean Winchester was released upon the poor woman sitting in front of them,

"What in the fuck are you saying? Where is he? You tell where he is right now!" Dean rapped his hand sharply on the counter, the noise sounded like a gunshot and caused the nurse to flinch. She slowly moved her hand towards the phone. The movement did not escape Sam's notice, so in an effort to keep them from being dragged out of the hospital before getting to Castiel. He tried once more to calm his brother down. Reaching out to take hold of Dean's sleeve, Sam said in a firm voice "Dean, you have to calm down..." Dean jerked his arm out of Sam's grasp and barked out,

"You need to tell me where Cas is right now." The nurse cringed and folded herself away from Dean's onslaught. Sam watched the one-sided exchange between his brother and the poor woman and he was sure that to the young nurse, Dean's outburst may have sounded like anger but to Sam it sounded like fear and before he could cut Dean off in order to prevent him from destroying the nurse. Nurse Campenella, herself was able to stop the oncoming storm by interrupting him "I'm sorry sir. You misunderstand me. I am so sorry." her face now stricken with remorse and embarrassment "I am so sorry. It's not what you think. I meant he checked himself out. Against the doctor's request. He said he was fine and th...tha...that, he had to get back to his baby." Her words became laced with confusion as she continued to try and explain "He said someone who meant the world to him was going to be very upset. If he didn't get back to him and explain about his car. Which it turns out is named Baby. Then he mentioned something about needing to get pie and some beer. It made no sense." Dean shifted in his shoes and began to lean over the counter but before he could Sam squeezed himself between his about to go nuclear brother and nurse Tina, and asked how long before their arrival did Castiel leave. The nurse turned once more to the screen to check the records. Apologizing profusely as she did so. Sam, trying to keep things calm smiled and just nodded. Dean simmered next to him.

"Your friend. You must have just passed him. It shows he sign the self release papers about fifteen minutes ago. He was going to go down and call a cab. Said he couldn't teleport because his angel power wasn't at full strength." Looking around the nurse whispered "At first they thought it was some sort of miracle because he was critical when he came in. And according to the triage team downstairs they didn't think he was going to make it. But by the time they stabilize him enough to bring him up to get an MRI. Well, he was banged up and except for some contusions and a couple of broken ribs. He seemed pretty much okay. But then he mentioned the thing about not being able to angel teleport. That is when the doctors wanted to force him to stay. They were concerned he had some brain damage."

Dean muttered something under his breath about there being some brain damage here at the nurse's station and Sam felt compelled to knock his elbow into Dean's side and from the side of his mouth whispered "Not helping, Dean"

Dean looked at Sam and rolled his eyes and the spun on his heels and made for the stairway door. He wasn't going to wait for an elevator and as he smashed through the door, Dean allowed his anger and fear to take over and took the steps two or three at a time as he made his way back down to the first floor. Sam, with his longer legs was close on his heels. Despite having taken the time to thank the nurse and also offering the tip that she learn to choose her words more wisely in the future.

Dean reached the first floor landing and in one swift motion threw the door open and ran out into the lobby area of the first floor. Stopping just long enough to get his bearing, Dean spotted the big hospital entry doors they had come through just a short time before off to the right. Dean ran across the lobby and as he reached the automatic doors, he readied himself to run through but his rapid approach was faster than the automatic door's sensors and so he was forced to skid to a stop and wait... impatiently for the doors to open enough for him to proceed through. Once outside, the cool winter air hit his face and as he began to look left and then right for Castiel, Dean heard Sam grab his arm and say "He's right there."

Dean gaze followed the Sam's arm in the direction it was pointing and as he looked off the finger tip he saw a very battered up Castiel sitting on a bench staring straight ahead. There was a sign above his head that read: Taxi Queue.

With a look at Sam, Dean flicked his brother in the shoulder and with a voice filled with relief Dean yelled out "Cas...Castiel"

Castiel sat quietly waiting for a taxi to arrive. His damaged body was still healing underneath the medical scrubs using the small amount of grace he had left. The staff was kind enough to provide him the thin garments after he refused any further help and requested to be released. Grabbing the collar of his coat and pulling it in tighter to protect against the chill, Castiel reached down out of habit and touched his trench coat pocket once more just to make sure the cell phone Sam had given him months before was not hidden inside and even after checking several times, he was still disappointed to find the pocket empty. He piled on to his guilt, the knowledge that he will have to tell Sam he lost his gift. Releasing a heavy sigh, Castiel continued to wait for the cab the nice lady at the information booth said she would call for him. Castiel couldn't stop himself from replaying events leading up to his crash and what had happened to Dean's beloved auto. The doctors who tried to prevent him from leaving, had described the carnage he left behind when they took him away by helicopter, and he felt sick inside. How was he going to face Dean? How was he going to face Sam? Castiel felt bad about letting the younger Winchester down after he trusted him enough to take Dean's car. He knew Sam was going to get the full force of Dean's ire for trying to be nice in letting him take the car to get Dean his beer. Castiel recalled all of the events that led up to the accident. He remembered walking up to the black, sleek vehicle as it sat in the garage. The overhead shop lights, lighting it up as if it were some religious relic. He also recalled how wonderful it was to slide on the slick seats and settle behind the wheel and then insert the key into the classic's ignition and as the engine roared to life, Castiel felt his excitement build. What he didn't think about though was selecting the right music tape before he left the garage. He knew better, when Dean taught him how to drive, it was the one thing he would say over and over. "Never take your eyes from the road" But his excitement at being the "driver" and not "shotgun" or the in the back passenger seat. He wanted to have his turn at picking the music. Besides, he had only dropped his eyes for a moment when he grabbed the AC/DC tape and when his eyes returned to the road. There was a deer and it was walking across the road. He swerved...and when he finally woke up there was a bright light shining in his eyes and he was on a table that was slowly sliding into some sort of tube. Now sitting on the hard bench waiting for a ride, he just wished he could get those moments before grabbing the tape back, and do everything over. The right way.

Swallowing hard at the memory. Castiel dropped his head and began to study his bloodied fingers. He hadn't even given the medical team a chance to really clean him up all of the way. He was given some scrubs to wear when the medical staff could not convince him to stay. Thankfully, his coat was the only thing they had of his possessions that had not ruined. He drew it closer about him as a strong wind howled its way through the porte-chochere, and just as the rush of wind seemed to die down. Castiel's breath caught as he thought he heard Dean's voice float through the covered driveway, on top of the gust. Castiel shook his head in an attempt to clear what could only be a hallucination. After all, how could Dean know where he was, the nurses themselves kept asking him as he put on the scrubs, if there was someone to call for him. Someone they could call to be with him and of course, he had replied in the negative. There was no way he was going to have the medical staff call Dean. So, sitting here on this cold bench he chose to dismiss the idea that Dean was here at the hospital. Only, there it was again and this time. Castiel realized with a sinking feeling, that it was in fact, the unmistakable deep voice of an angry of Dean Winchester. Turning his head gingerly, in the direction of angry baritone. He stood up slowly and as he saw the denim clad man he cared most about come running towards him with furrowed brow and his face flush with what could only be anger. Castiel's heart filled with dread at the assault he was sure to come because of what he had done to the Impala but instead... as Dean drew closer, his senses were picking something else from the hunter, it was anger but it was mixed with something else, a stronger, deeper emotion.  
Castiel began taking a measured step towards his friend and as he drew closer, Castiel closed his eyes in relief as the distance between the two men diminished, Cas could feel his pain racked body relax a little but mentally, he braced himself for the onslaught he felt was deserved because of the damage he had caused to Dean's beloved Impala. But instead of hearing Dean's sharp angry voice of rebuke, which when unleashed his way always seemed to cut him deeper than any blade, it was two strong arms wrapping around him like bands of iron then pulling him in for a hug. Grunting in pain from the force of his hug. Castiel suppressed the urge to cry out and just as he was about to lose his battle and cry out ayway. Warm lips covered his own and the pressure of those lips quickly removed any thoughts about the pain he was experiencing. Instead, his eyes popped open in astonishment, and Castiel found himself staring into sea-green ones that looked to be close to tears.

Dean saw Castiel's blue eyes widen, and pulled back with some apprehension and concern. It had been a last second, impulsive move to kiss Cas. It just felt like something he needed to do when he saw the angel stand and then close his eyes. Body tensing waiting for the full brunt his anger. He scanned the face of the angel still wrapped in his arms. Looking for any sign of doubt or even worse, rejection. Seeing nothing but confusion, Dean leaned in to recapture the slightly chapped lips with his own and began kissing him deeper stopping just short of thrusting his tongue forward. He wanted to make sure Castiel understood and that there would be no more confusion about what Dean feels towards Cas. Finally, after several languid moments, Dean heard his brother as he cleared his throat in an effort to try and break things up. Dean released his hold and pulled back so that he could get a better look at his damaged angel.

Wincing at the sight of the partially healed laceration and the yellowing bruises covering almost half of Castiel's face. Dean brought his hand up and with gentle fingers caressed the damage working his fingers slowly downwards along Castiel's face and under his chin.

Stunned by the turn of events, Castiel felt as if the weight of the universe had just been lifted from his shoulders and when Dean came back in for the second kiss. The shock of everything that had happened to him, the fight with the shapeshifters, wrecking the car, Dean's ire... everything disappeared. Feeling himself move forward at Dean's gentle caress because he wasn't ready to stop this wonderful thing that was happening between them. Castiel began to do what he had always wanted to do. He kissed Dean Winchester back. Only, he did not hold back. And when he parted his lips, Dean allowed his to part as well and Cas thrust his tongue forward and began to tease and probe the handsome hunter's mouth. The years of suppressed want and desire from both men began to take them over right there in the hospital's entrance.

"Um guys. Dean." A now thoroughly embarrassed Sam tried once more to get his brother's attention, "It's great that you have figured out...things" Sam tossed his head back towards the parking area and the truck. "But Cas you still look like hell and Dean, I don't think squeezing him like that is helping at all. So, I'm going to go get the truck and bring it around and we are going to head home." Dean nodded his agreement at Sam's plan and turned back to Cas as his brother trotted away, he replied "I'll stay with my Angel" as he pulled the trench coat closer around Castiel's shoulders after seeing him shiver from the cold,. Oh god, Dean thought to himself, did he just tell Sam, Cas was "his Angel", Dean spoke first cutting off Cas who had opened his mouth as if he were about to say something. Dean could see by Cas' demeanor that he was worried and he quickly understood why.

"Listen, I want you to know I am not angry about the car or about you driving it. I know you are worried about that. I want you to know, I appreciate the fact that you thought you were doing a good thing for me by running out to get beer and pie."

"Dean, I" Dean leaned forward and planted another quick kiss on Cas lips. Cutting him off from any further talking. Castiel though happy and still just a little confused at the change in his relationship with Dean. He still needed to understand how or why it was happening but it seemed Dean wasn't going to let him get to far in analyzing it. For right now anyway. So he gave up and just leaned into Dean, his body now beginning to rebel against him as the pain and fatigue began to return to the forefront of Castiel's mind.

"Cas we will talk about everything once you get better. You are still pretty banged up and when you have a couple of days to let yourself heal. We are going to talk about this...us. And how I feel about you and how, I hope- how you feel about me"

Cas stared at Dean and with a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth he replied "Yes. I would like that. I'd like that very much."

The rumble of Bobby's old truck's engine approaching distracted both men enough to end any further talk and they turned towards the sound as it reached the apex of the circular drive.

Dean pulled open the door and realized the close quarters they would be forced to endure for the next few hours and so with some concern he turned towards Castiel and asked "You going to be okay riding back like this. We could find a place to stay."

Castiel softened his eyes as he looked at Dean and replied. "I will be fine. The pain is a lot better now" Cas wanted to add 'Because you are here" but held it back and instead he started to climb into the truck but felt Dean tug him back as he said. "Here I will sit in the middle. That way you won't get jabbed by Sam's elbows on the way back" Cas smiled his appreciation and stepped back to let Dean in first and then gingerly lifted his leg and foot to follow suit climbing up on to the bench seat of the truck and slid in snug against Dean. Cas soaked in the warmth from his body and already felt a little better. Turning to grab the handle of the truck's door, Castiel looked at the chasm that separated himself from the now wide open passenger door. Cas glanced back at Dean and the look on his pained face said volumes. So Dean turned and looked at Sam with raised eyebrow. Sam got the message loud and clear and with his mouth set and a roll of his eyes. Sam, threw the gear shift into park, and climbed out of the truck and walked around to shut the passenger door for Cas. Returning to his position in the driver's seat Sam looked at his brother in the eyes as if to say "you owe me."

Dean looked at Castiel and with his trademark smirk asked "Comfortable?" Castiel nodded and then tilted his head back and closed his eyes. The pain inside his vessel was slowly creeping back along with the fatigue. Cas adjusted his head to lean a little more towards Dean's shoulder and as the truck's engine began to rumble louder and the interior of the cab began to rock a little as Sam pressed on the gas, Castiel felt Dean take his hand into his own and all he could think of at this near perfect moment was Dean's lips against his own and how much he wanted to feel them again- soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Thanks for reading this far, I hope you are enjoying my story and if you are. Please consider leaving a KUDOs or a note. Please let me know what you think.
> 
> Thank you.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean nurses Cas back to health...in his own way.

THREE DAYS LATER

Closing his eyes once more, Castiel sighed and began to play the events of the last few days over in his mind. Starting with the surprising kiss Dean had placed on his lips outside the hospital. Castiel had expected the typical Dean Winchester outburst of anger followed by some insult. Instead, he was wrapped in strong arms and kissed. Castiel licked his lips and began to feel his cock harden at the memory of their kiss and how it progress from chaste to full on pizza man.  
And after Sam’s interruption of their impromptu make out session, they had climbed into Bobby’s old truck and as they settled in. Castiel felt Dean take his hand and adjust his position a little lower so that Cas could rest his head a more comfortably on his shoulder where Castiel allowed the fatigue to take over and fell asleep. He was awakened by Dean who had begun to gently shake him awake and after some foggy moments of trying to get his bearings he looked up into the green eyes that were crinkled in concern. Cas had smiled trying to make the concern disappear and it seemed to work. Because Dean softly whispered “We’re home.” and with that Dean had leaned down and placed another soft kiss on his lips just as Sam, who had come around to the passenger side of the truck, pulled open the door. “Jeez, you two. Wait until you get back to your room.”  
Dean of course had to reply “Bitch!” Sam did not take the bait and instead rolled his eyes and reached in to help Castiel disembark. Castiel’s heart was still racing a little from Dean’s chaste kiss but he was now very sore and exhausted and as he stepped from the truck he nearly collapsed. Sam was able to grab him by the arm in an effort to stop him from falling but it was Dean who had sprung from the truck’s bench seat and grabbed Castiel around his waist and despite his protests. Dean lifted him up and carried him back into the bunker and down its wide hallways towards their room. Castiel recalled looking at deem with some puzzlement as they past his door and continued on down the hallway. Dean had looked Cas and winked then promptly pushed his own bedroom door open and settled Castiel on his bed with the very simple statement Dean “So I can keep an eye on you.”  
And so on the first night home, Dean had Sam carry one of the club chairs from the library into his room and despite Sam’s protests, “Dean that bed is big enough for you both. Why do we need a chair?”  
Dean had said it was because he worried about hurting Cas’ ribs and therefore he would sleep in the chair. Sam didn’t totally believe his brother but the excuse worked and he dropped his complaints about carrying the heavy chair. Castiel protested his sacrifice but Dean blew him off and with a light comforter he settled into the uncomfortable chair. Castiel believed there may have been another reason, like Dean not ready to share a bed with him, even if it were innocent bed sharing but Dean had waved that argument away. Then last night, after spending to nights sleeping in the “crappy club chair” as Dean had begun to refer to it. Dean had fallen asleep next to Castiel as they watched one of Dean’s science fiction movies. Choosing not to disturb the sleeping arrangements, Castiel let Dean go on sleeping and the following morning Castiel awoke to a curled up Dean snuggling up against him, his hand resting on Castiel’s chest and the best part was watching Dean lightly snore through parted lips. It was adorable and Cas stayed still for close to an hour. Afraid that any movement would cause Dean to wake and pull away. 

Castiel never wanted that moment to end and when Dean finally woke up. He had looked up into Castiel’s with sleepy green ones and this time it was Cas who took advantage, and leaned over and began to give Dean a languid kiss. Then, feeling unusually bold, he began to work his way downwards from Dean’s lips to his chest and stopped to let his tongue flick across Dean’s nipple and when he shifted to cover the hardened bud with his lip. Cas had tweaked his sore ribs and grimaced. Unfortunately, Dean had seen the flinch cross his face and immediately sat up and had taken Cas into his arms and gently rolled him over so he wouldn’t jar Cas’ ribs and proceeded to kiss Cas deeply. His tongue parting Cas’ own lips and as Dean’s hands came up to card through thick, disheveled hair. Castiel had arched his back which allowed his swelling dick to press against Dean’s thigh and Castiel could not help himself has he began to move his hips, grinding them against hard thigh muscle. 

Dean had pulled away slightly as the throbbing warmth of Castiel’s cock pressed against his thigh and Castiel remembered how he paused to look up into Dean’s eyes. He could sense Dean’s thoughts as they cascaded through his mind. First among them was the concern for Cas state of health. Then of course, was Cas.... or was he ready to go much further than the kisses and gentle caresses they had only been doing so far. Castiel had made a decision at that point. He needed to show Dean that he wasn’t some naive human that needs to be protected or coddled. So, he crunched himself upwards, determined to suppress the slight tinge of pain he no longer cared about and allowed the long suppressed desire that he had been holding deep inside break free and show itself. Castiel clamped his arms around Dean’s waist and with an angel’s strength that made Dean’s green eyes widen, Castiel rolled Dean over and on to his back and pushed himself forward to capture Dean’s mouth with his own and with a hunger born of desire. Castiel plunged his tongue into Dean’s parted lips and began to probe and rub the warm damp muscles against each other. His hips beginning to grind and thrust in response to the bulging member pushing against the cotton of Dean’s boxers. Angling his hips just right, the fabric of the boxers was now causing the friction Cas had been seeking but it wasn’t enough. Cas wanted Dean naked and he wanted their cocks to be free to feel each other and to be drenched in the warm bath of the fluid as it escaped from the slit at the top of their dicks. Castiel’s hands began to move downwards from Dean’s muscled abdomen to his waist and when he felt the restrictive band of Dean’s boxers he clenched a handful of cloth in his hand and pushed downward. Not stopping Cas sat back on his heels long enough to pull the black boxers from Dean’s legs and he tossed them aside. Then, with a hungry look Castiel took in the entire length of Dean Winchester and with a smile and the barest shake of his head he said “Dean, you are amazing and...I just want to know. Are you sure?” Dean had stared at Cas for only a few moments before he rose up enough to take Castiel’s hand into his own and pulled Cas down on top so that there bodies were touching from chest to toes, and kissed the angel deeply. Dean shifted his position and placed himself between Castiel’s legs and he began to kiss his way down from Cas’ lips and he began to travel to his belly button. Then taking his own cock in hand, he began to stroke slowly up and down his thick shaft, making sure he rubbed his palm over the head to cover it in a slick viscous fluid. And as he continued downward, reaching the line of thick, dark hair. Dean picked up the pace on his own cock, when his lips came to the tip of Castiel member he began to lick and pull with lips sealed around the head. Castiel let out a small gasp of pleasure and thrust upwards in a gradual rutting motion. Dean smiled with a grin and ran his tongue around the narrow opening at the tip and began to tease with his tongue only to be broken up with gentle nips. Castiel thought he he was going to explode. 

“Dean, I….can’t..ca…” Dean had known exactly what needed to be done. He stopped his sucking and brought the hand not stroking his own cock and clamped it around the base of Castiel’s and squeezed. Putting just enough pressure to hold back the warm cramp that had beginning to pull at his groin. Castiel grabbed the back of Dean’s head and began to encourage him to go back down take him once more and Dean obliged. And when Dean reached the point where he could no longer contain his own growing urge to spew his cum. He released Castiel’s cock from his mouth and placed both cocks into his hand and began to stroke both at the same time. Castiel arched and began to spurt warm, milk white cream across his chest. Gasping in deep moans and Dean joined him soon after. Collapsing alongside Cas, Dean grabbed a towel from the laundry pile and began to wipe him down. Kissing random spots on Castiel’s chest as he did so, Castiel couldn’t help but run his fingers through Dean’s short cropped hair. Feeling satisfied with the clean up job, Dean flopped down and rested up against Castiel, draping his arm across Castiel's chest and began to snuggle.  
Out of all the popular culture references that Metatron had dumped in his head, Cas knew that cuddling was not a typical act of a man after sex...whatever its form. This made him feel very lucky at this moment and he once again settled against Dean and turned to snuggle back. Soon, Cas could hear the most adorable snoring sound coming from Dean's nose. Dropping a kiss on parted lips, Castiel settled himself and allowed his fatigue from the morning's exercise to take over and fell into a deep sleep.

Castiel brought himself back to the present and stretched. Feeling the heaviness grow as his dick had become hard from the memories of this morning, he rolled over once more to take in the scent on Dean's pillow. He wondered when the man had gotten up. He was even a little surprised at the fact that he hadn't felt his absence earlier and so it was with some reluctance, Castiel began to think about getting out of this memory foam bed and going in search of Dean. He didn't believe he would have to search too hard. Because he was sure Dean was probably sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him going over everything that had transpired between them. And that image had swayed Castiel's decision to stay in bed and give Dean a chance to digest on his own the events of this morning. He knew Dean could sometimes over think things and he also knew, Dean wanted a chance to talk with Sam as well. So instead of getting up, Castiel snuggled down, a smile on his lips and waited for Dean to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading so far. Comments and kudos would be appreciated. Anything glaring wrong like spelling or grammar. Please let me know. Not beta'd. One more chapter to go.


	5. Dammit Dean!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Brother bond.  
> Castiel assumes, and we all know what happens to the person who assumes. Especially, when they eavesdrop,

Castiel was not too far off when it came to his assumption of Dean’s whereabouts. He was sitting in front of Sam. Head in hands, and he was stewing about the recent turn in their relationship. Only, not in a way that would have made Castiel feel confident in the future of this budding romance.

“Dammit, Dean! For Chuck’s sake. (The brothers had long since stopped calling the creator of the universe God after they officially met the Chuck Taylor wearing deity on a suburban street during one of the many apocalyptic events they became embroiled in). You have been in love with the guy almost from the day he walked through that barn door.” Sam turned away from his brother frustrated. Dean had just spilled his guts to Sam about everything that had been chewing him up on the inside when it came to his feelings for Cas. Concluding with the last night’s romp on Dean's memory foam bed, and Sam was now in the unenviable position of helping his brother deal with his horrible case of the morning after "what have I done?" regrets. Sam first order of business was to stop Dean from going into too much detail about the hook-up. Then he had to assuage the guilt and worry his brother felt about the change in his relationship with the guardian angel.  
Before Cas' accident and the ensuing emotional self-evaluation. The angel had been held at arm's length, by Dean's infamous wall. A wall fortified with bricks formed from stubbornness and mortared together by fear.  
So Sam knew he had to show Dean why Cas was worth his dropping his guard to allow Castiel in.  
“Stop worrying about everything else going on or could go on and just let yourself be happy.” Sam had pulled a couple of beers, and after cracking them both open, he handed one over to his irritatingly anal brother. Sam smiled inwardly at the inside joke that he just made. Taking the seat across from his morose sibling, Sam looked into tired green eyes and said “Go. Be with Castiel and forget all of that other crap you were worried about. You deserve this... this thing you have with Cas." Sam paused as if looking for the right words. Sighing with exasperation, he continued; "Dean, he is the only one who can help you shoulder all the shit that comes our way..."

Dean opened his mouth to interrupt, to refute Sam's assertion that Cas was the only one strong enough to help Dean. Sam cut him off. Knowing what his overly protective brother was going to say about Sam being more than capable too, but Sam had to make Dean understand how it was different; "Look, Dean. I am not saying that you don't think I can handle myself in a fight with whatever ghoul we go up against, or that I won't have your back in every one of those fights. But when it comes to what you need" Sam put extra emphasis on the word 'you' to get Dean's attention; "Dean, when you need to step away and just be...be normal or...or whatever! You need someone you can be intimate with, who you can turn to and share yourself with. Someone, like Cas, who understands what we do every day and more importantly. How it affects you" Sam tilted his head downward, his brow creasing as he brought his eyes back up showing his best puppy dog look. Dean quickly turned his gaze away. Pretending, badly, to be distracted by the picture that has hung over the kitchen sink so long the stained outline of the frame is part of the backsplash. "You need someone like Cas, and despite what you think, he is strong enough to share that burden. Cas is a freaking angel and" Sam bobbed his head a little trying to force Dean to look back and meet his eyes. He continued when green eyes finally came around to meet his with some humor creeping into his voice said, "when he isn't getting himself hurt and does have his powers, Cas is a force to contend with but more importantly. He is someone you can share your thoughts and fears. Because with me you feel you can't always tell me what you feel and as your younger brother. I get that. I understand why you can't always be honest when it comes to opening up to me. You will always try to protect me, Dean. And it's because of this mindset of yours that you need someone with whom you trust as much as you trust me. You need Cas. He is your best friend, and I can see he is so much more to you than that now. And it is okay." 

Dean stared at his younger brother, and it was as if he were looking at him for the first time. Jokingly, he muttered to himself "Well, look who is all grown up?"  
Sam set his mouth in a grim line. Frustrated at his brother's sad attempts at deflecting the honest emotions coming from his argument.  
Using his beer as a more successful delay tactic, Dean took a pull of the cold amber liquid and contemplated his reply as he began to pick at the label corner. Everything Sam had just said was the truth, and Dean fought with himself as he struggled mentally to admit out loud to Sam that he is right. Finally, with some effort and a voice filled with conviction Dean replied; "Sam, I...I don't know why or how it happened, but I just know that it did. Somewhere along the way, Cas became a part of our little family, a...and I found myself caring for him and every time he took a hit for us. I felt that I had to protect him too, so I decided I wasn't going to let him in, I felt I had to push him away. Because I was terrified of what I was beginning to feel inside." Dean stopped and flicked a bit of label from his finger. "And back when I kicked him out of the bunker to save you. It nearly tore me in two." Dean paused. The air between the two brothers became tense. Dean swallowed hard and took another drink from his beer. Then in a whisper, he continued "You see, Sam. I wanted to keep him with me." Dean looked up into Sam's eyes and when he did Sam's heart nearly broke. He remained silent waiting for Dean to continue; "For the first time I had to make a decision between you and Castiel and for the briefest of moments, I came so close to keeping Cas because I wanted him to stay with me. Because of how I felt about him." Dean's eyes were no beginning to well up at the memory and with a voice raspy with sadness "And it would have killed you. And I was horrified that I almost did that." Dean continued to peel the label from his beer as he continued "So that is when I told him to go and when all was said and done. After Gadreel was gone, and things had more or less gotten back to normal, only Cas was now human...ish. I knew I couldn't let my feelings get in the way ever again. So I put away what I felt, or I thought I had..." Dean stopped. Sam debated whether finished for him but decided to let his brother figure it out on his own. As the seconds stretch on, Sam feared Dean had chickened out and was about to go silent. Throwing all of the progress made so far out the proverbial window and as Sam began to open his mouth to say something, Dean continued with more determination in his voice; "Even now I am terrified of what is going to happen. So I feel like I need to go in there and tell Cas that everything was a mistake and that we shouldn't do this" Dean swirled his hand in the air for emphasis "That we should just stay friends and that he should stay away from me and that I need to stay away from him. I don't think I could stand to see him hurt by me again and I am afraid that I might someday."

"You don't mean that Dean," Sam said softly

"I don't know Sam, we came close to losing each other a hundred times, but this time. Cas takes a hit from that shapeshifter. I was angry but then...right after a stupid car accident. Something inside me broke and when I saw him sitting there one that bench, alone, wearing that ridiculous trench coat of his. All battered and bruised just like a hundred times before. All I knew at that moment was that I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hold him tight and never let him go again." At the last sentence, Sam watched as Dean's shoulders visibly relaxed. Up until the last statement, they had been hunched up nearly to his ears. The atmosphere in the room seemed to change for the better at Dean's self-revelation. Sam smiled his acceptance at Dean's words. Dean smiled his thousand-watt smile back at his brother and said; "I love the guy Sam, and I don't ever want to forget that or hide it from myself again."

Dean, tha...that's great!' Sam stood up and walked around the table to where his brother sat and grabbed him by the arm and hoisted him up, and wrapped his long arms around his brother into the biggest bear hug he could muster. "No matter what, Dean. You know I got your back, and Cas' as well" Dean pulled himself away and walked over to the cabinet and grabbed the peanut butter and bread down to make sandwiches. "Well, I know one thing for sure Sam. He is probably going to be hungry when he wakes, so I'm going to make him a PB&J. Grab a couple a beers and spend the afternoon binging Firefly and introducing Cas to the world of the Browncoats and Capt. Mal. Played by that dreamy Nathan Fillion." Sam chuckled and could only reply "Go for it."

Cas opened his eyes and looked around Dean's room. His brow furrowed, as he looked at the clock and could see it was now close to noon. Growing concerned at length of time Dean had been absent. The recovering angel decided to get out of bed and go in search of Dean. But first, he had to urinate.  
Castiel exited the restroom and made his way gingerly down the hallway. He felt much better, and the wounds were healing quickly thanks to the small amount of grace he had left inside. Coming up on the entry that led to the kitchen, Castiel slowed at the sound of deep voices talking. He smiled knowing the two brothers were probably discussing the latest turn in events. He paused wondering if he should let them speak in private. Castiel knew that Sam and Dean shared a strong bond as brothers. Something he wished his own siblings would take note of and maybe emulate a bit more. Deciding to let them talk Castiel began to turn away, and as he did so, he heard Dean's voice rise to a level that permitted him to pick up Dean's part of the conversation and as he listened. Cas felt the entire length of his body go numb. The words coming from Dean were cutting him deeper and doing more damage to his being than any angel blade ever could. Stricken. Castiel turned away quickly from the doorway and made his way back down the hallway towards his room. Dean's words playing through his mind like an awful demonic chant.  
"So I feel like I need to go in there and tell Cas that everything was a mistake and that we shouldn't do this"  
He wanted to tell Cas that it was a mistake. Dean wanted him to forget any of the last few days even happened.  
"That we should just stay friends and that he should stay away from me."  
Dean was regretting everything. His fingers grasped clumsily at the doorknob that would open the door to his room. Finally getting the rebellious fixture to turn. Castiel pushed his way into his quarters and straight over to the chest of drawers. Pulling open the first drawer Castiel began to take some of the small momentoes that held special meaning and collected them on the bed. Making his way over to the closet that held his sparse wardrobe. Cas began to pull out his blue slacks and the white button-down shirt and laid them out. Castiel was going. He didn't know where and didn't care. He only knew that he had to get away from Dean before the hunter could come and tell him that they shouldn't be together. Unwrapping Dean's olive-colored robe from his body. Castiel began to get dressed and planned his escape from the bunker. Unseen.

**Author's Note:**

> A brief review would be greatly appreciated. Even if it were just a Kudos. Though if it isn't worth a kudo's, I would love to know why so I can get better at this. If possible for me.


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